Life Lessons : How to identify and escape toxic relationships??

Young or old, everybody wants to love and be loved, and that is never going to change. This longing for love sometimes causes people to fall into wrong relationships. If you were lucky, you would have escaped that phase in your life. But not everyone is that lucky. The reason why it needs to be discussed and thought about is because, even though it might be just a passing phase, it can cause some long lasting effects on your mind. It can cause major psychological changes within you and you may not be aware of how it is affecting your present day life. So, here I am going to talk about :-

 1. How to identify a toxic relationship?
 2. How to escape from it?
 3. How to recover from it?

First things first. How do you know the relationship you are about to enter or already in is toxic for you?

Case 1: If you are in the starting phase of a new relationship.

This is the best time to observe and take the right decision. Just because you know.. prevention is better than cure. Most important question to address is, why do you like the other person? If your answer is, ''I don't know'', I would say you better know! Put some thought into it. There must be some qualities that you subconsciously or consciously like in the other person. Once you identify these qualities, casually think if they are the qualities you are looking for in a partner? If there are some grey areas, in the coming days, very tactfully you have to frame conversations where you can get the answer out of the other person. You don't have to necessarily play CBI here. It must come as part of a natural conversation so that you get the instinctive answer and not the well thought out and processed one. Sometimes we don't have ideal qualities, we just follow our heart. In that case, you have to look for signs that tell you to stay or run! Don't ignore the signs.

Case 2: If you are already in a relationship for quite sometime.

I think most of you would have figured whether the relationship is the best or not by now! Like I said previously, there would have been lot of signs which the Universe has sent for you. Don't ignore the signs. Some of the obvious signs are - clashes in the basic principles you believe in, frequent unhealthy arguments or ugly fights, one of you avoiding discussions on serious topics, having to hide some things because the other won't accept or make a big fuss out of it and so on. The hidden signs are - one of you is always manipulated by the other person, one of you is always making compromises to avoid arguments which are actually necessary, one is not interested in (not even listening to or giving active response) the things that the other likes to do, one is trying to push the other very tactfully to do or say things the other wants to do or hear and so on.

Now, let us try to answer another important question, with all the negative signs, why are we not able to run if that is the right thing to do? 

The victim of a toxic relationship is a very delicate, loving, empathetic person. The other person is just taking advantage of the same. Sometimes, even the other person may not be not doing this purposely. Anyway, ultimately one will feel trapped.

Now, I will explain how it becomes a vicious cycle that you can't get out. Suppose you are the victim. If you feel that the other person is hurting because of you, you will not leave first, even though you are hurting more. Suppose the other person already knows this weakness of yours, it is quite a natural outcome that knowingly or unknowingly, he or she will project that they are desperate and crying without you. In short you will be made to believe that you are causing pain despite the other person's heart-bleeding love for you and that you leaving is equivalent to you cheating.  Every time you begin to leave, this repeats. Trust me, this is all a big truck load of nonsense!! Eventually you start feeling that you are the bad one who doesn't know how to return love and always talking about leaving. You may question your sincerity and at one point, you may even worship the other person for tolerating you. Actually, the truth is.. you are the one tolerating! In some cases, it may happen that even if you throw tantrums, the other person won't react. Is it because he or she is more calm and matured than you? No! It is because the other person has taken you for granted and knows that you won't leave. And this is how you get stuck!

The fact is, the other person is immature and not suitable for relationship with you or anybody, at least until he or she grows up. Somebody incapable of leaving or letting the other leave for the good, is not suitable for loving either. Staying together is not what the motto of love is. Being happy with each other is.

From a different angle, toxic relationship happens when there is a lot of sweet talk and less of significant conversations. Even if you try to share something important, the response will be weak. Your dreams and aspirations, your likes and dislikes nothing matters to the other person. You are like alcohol. Too much of you they cannot handle. Just enough will keep them relaxed. So, they measure and pour you.

The next thing , how to escape a toxic relationship ?

Once you have identified that the relationship is not good for you then, things become rather easy. You need to stop being the victim and take charge! Easier said than done.

Case 1: You are a strong person who can handle things on your own. 

No worries in your case. Take all the necessary steps to cut all ties and move on. Don't turn back once you made that decision. Sometimes the other person may be having some psych problems. If you suspect that, you need to let concerned people be involved so that he or she can be helped properly.

Case 2: You are so naive and innocent, you just can't do it. 

You expect the other person to leave first. Till that day comes, you will suffer in silence. In that case, is better to give the baton to anybody close to you and completely willing to help you. It could be a parent, best friend, siblings, anyone you trust your emotions with. Give them clarity on exactly what is going on. For example, there are cases where the other threatens to suicide. It is important that you state every relevant thing to the person going to help you. If you are very young, it is better that an adult is asked for help. This is solely because the perception to a situation is dependent on the experience of the other person. You need maximum emotional support to stay strong. So, don't be hesitant to rely on people who care about you.


The last thing , how to recover from the effects of a toxic relationship once you escaped ?

Never underestimate the power of a relationship. You may think you are strong until you are shattered in love. Be it any relationship! The imprints of a broken relationship can last forever. For example, you may lose self-confidence, self-esteem, ability to trust, ability to be open and so on. The opposite is true with a beautiful healthy relationship. It can empower you and make you discover those wonderful things about you that you never knew. So, lovely relationships and toxic relationships are like two extremes. 

After you end a toxic relationship, spend time to re-discover yourself. Don't live in thoughts and memories. You plan on how to distract yourself from negative emotions. For some people, spending time with friends helps. For others, travelling helps. Sports, games and exercising helps one lot while dance, music, painting, reading etc helps another lot. Watching great movies also might help some. Depending on what kind of person you are, choose the best option and keep yourself busy for sometime. Think of your dreams and start visualizing them. If you are not the dreaming type then, enjoy every moment and live your life to the fullest.

Love is Happiness and Happiness is Freedom. 

True life hacks : Things to lookout while buying Curtains for Your Home Sweet Home!

Hi,

Previously, I was talking about different simple ways to decorate your rented living space  [https://boc2018.blogspot.com/2018/09/true-life-hacks-5-easy-ways-to-decorate.html].
In continuation with that, here I will mention how curtains can be chosen wisely. This is applicable to your home whether rented or yours.

As often as we see curtains in homes, they are mostly not enhancing the look of the rooms. I have observed that we have a tendency to buy something that is either cheap or something that looks good while we are shopping. Definitely not everybody is an interior decorator, but we can think like one. I tried and it works!! :D I am sharing my story here...

The Story of my Curtains

Like I mentioned in my previous blog, curtains are your floating walls. Putting a little bit of thought to it will give you better results. As everyone does, first I checked the number of windows in each room and their dimensions.

Living room 

There are 2 windows. One is a normal window with 4 splits and the other is of full length covering half a wall. It is not a french window through which I can walk out into the beautiful meadows.. because had it been so, I would be walking straight down to the ground floor, hit and die! :D Moreover, we have pigeons nesting everywhere, so its better we stay in and they stay out. :D :D

Bedrooms

There are 2 bedrooms with one window each. They are also 4 splits. By split I mean how many separate window glasses are there.

So..yes.. the curtains! My thought process was like this.. In the living room, if the curtains cover half a wall, it is more or less like painting half a wall. Right??  So I did a research on the different possibilities. This took many days and I am sure there are still many things to explore. Here we go with what I found..

1) Material

Some people like the silky flowy look. It can be actual silk but usually its polyester. These curtains come inexpensive to moderately expensive. Another advantage is they are available as light weight to a little heavy ones, based on the mix of material and quality. Good ones can make the room look rich.

Then there is cotton. Its thick and dense. It is heavy. It is not silky but those who like the feel of cotton more than polyester, like me, will love them. They can be comparatively expensive to very expensive.

Polyester curtain set

Cotton curtain set

Third is polycotton. It is a light weight material with cotton feel. They are better with self-design and texture. They come in all price ranges based on the quality.

The last is voile. It is the extremely light ones and comes in very decorative prints. They can be often seen with self-designs too. They also come in all price ranges based on the design of the net.

Polycotton curtain set

Voile curtain set

2) Transparency

• Most transparent would be the voile ones looking like nets which allow 100% light. There are variants with a little more closely woven patterns. 
• Second, would be polycotton. They allow light to enter like 70%.
• Thirdly, cotton blocks light but still the room will not become fully dark. So there will be a glow. 
• Fourthly, polyester has two types,one which allows the glow and one which creates pitch dark.

3) Pattern

The most important decision is the pattern. Will you simply look at the curtain and go,''Yep! I want this??''. That's one way to go. Nothing wrong if you are sure. But I thought a lot. I usually do that a lot..with everything!:D Basically I was thinking if it is something that I will grow to like more everyday or I would ignore after sometime. Hmm.. its like reading the future. That's why I spent a lot of time exploring. From my point of view, the patterns can be vaguely classified as :-

1. No patterns :D  - smooth plain with one color or shading of many colors
2. Textured - if you touch the material you can feel the cloth is not smooth, you may see also
3. Self-designed - on close watch you can see designs of the same color but slightly lighter or darker
4. Geometrical - you can figure our some shapes like circles, squares, hexagons
5. Floral - could be flowers, leaves or both
6. Random - cannot figure out what the design means, it has many things going on

Plain

      Self-designed

           

Floral

Geometric pattern

Random pattern

How did I choose my curtains?

Step 1. Material 

Given a choice in any object, I like matt finish over smooth. So I wanted cotton or polycotton. Nothing wrong with polyester. It is your choice.

Step 2. Pattern

Initially I was open to experimenting. After much review and scrutiny, I decided the pattern will be floral - either flowers or leaves or both, nothing bizarre. I was okay with big or small designs if it looked neat. I also decided the base must be a light color because our rooms are already dark.

Step 3. Online or Offline

I went to the market once to check the options. I was seeing polyester everywhere. So I decided to buy online. One thing is I get to read people's reviews. Moreover, I can return if not satisfying.

Step 4. Check options and fix price range

I simultaneously checked in 5 websites - Amazon, Flipkart, Snapdeal, Myntra, Jabong. I narrowed down the search with cotton and polycotton. I was not willing to pay too much but since curtains are an investment and cotton ones are slightly expensive, I thought I would keep a max limit of 1500Rs for a set of 2 door length curtains. So window curtains must cost me less than that.

Step 5. Shortlist the likeable ones

I created wishlists in every website with the ones I like. It took some time but it was worth it. I did it in a span of a week. I spent my leisure time looking through the websites and cutting down or adding to my wishlists.

Step 6. Matching with the existing  👫

This the core part. The curtains must be chosen such that:-

1. it is not clashing with the wall, sofa, furniture etc - if they are dark, curtains can be lighter
2. it is not too much of a complex pattern to look at - curtains cover a lot of space so beware
3. it has a theme if possible - I chose nature so went with floral
4. it lets in light or cuts off light as you require within the room - if you want the room brighter go for lighter and slightly transparent

Side note : In my case, as I already decided to go for patterned curtains, there were a few more things to take care of. Since the full-length windows covered half the wall, I didn't want same pattern to be on the other window in the living room. Think about it!! Won't it be too much of pattern on the walls?? So I decided to go simpler with the smaller window of that room; plain curtains but with texture or self-designs.

Ultimately, I must say, there are no fixed rules. You don't need to sit down and think hard. It should not be a nerve-wracking process, not even a process for that matter. It must be you having fun decorating your home.

So, have fun with curtains!! :D

True life hacks : 5 easy ways to decorate your home!

Hi everyone..

Have you ever thought of adding some fun to your home? I never did ! :P ....until I came to a new city and started living in a rented apartment. The walls look sooo pale and the cupboards look sooo dull. Ugh! Then I thought.. and thought and got a few ideas which worked for me quite well. So here.. I am going to share with you. Remember that my two constraints were : 1) I cannot repaint the walls and cupboards..practically anything which is not mine 2) I cannot re-architect..which means I cannot break down or construct anything :D

So here we go...

1. Curtains

Curtains are your moving walls. Aren't they? Even if you can't change the solid walls, you can always make them flow with the curtains.
I did an exhaustive research before buying curtains. I even did the curtains for my parents' new flat in hometown after gaining enough knowledge. It was quite successful. I shall share with you the entire research summary in another post soon to come.

2. Sofa and Pillow cushions

If you already own a sofa, you can re-upholster them to an interesting one. Sofas with too much print looks cheap and makes everything else in the room vanish. So the sofa color must be a cool one. The sofa itself must be relaxing with good cushion effect. It is the main furniture of your living room. If you don't have one and plan on buying one, this is your chance.
Sometimes, the sofa could already be existing with your rented house or you may have rented the sofa. In that case, there are two things you can do:-

1) Quilt : Quilt is like a thin mattress. You can simply put it on top on your sofa. It will give you the extra comfort as well as you get to choose the color and design.

2) Pillow cushions : Rented or yours, any sofa can use some pillow cushions. Choose the pillow cushion covers with complementary colors to the sofa as well as among themselves. They can be plain or patterned, whichever you prefer.
They are a must have from my experience. It supports my back at at all times and ever since I got them, I haven't had the back pain and neck pain I once used to (thanks to all the technology :P). At the same time, they add color to my space.

3. Wall hangings and Decorative pieces : What is the first wall hanging that comes to your mind?  I can give you a clue.. It is something that moves but still stays in the same place!

1) The clock. :P

Get a good clock, something that serves more than its purpose. Go for vintage or post-modern, anything that works for you.

2) Paintings

One easy wall hanging is a painting. Actually, it is not that easy. Buying a painting is tricky. You can buy something you spontaneously like, but the secret to a timeless painting is that you must feel proud to own it. Anybody who comes to your house must feel good the moment they lay their eyes on the painting. I would say, imagine how you will place them, mentally, before you buy them. If you are not good at it then, if somebody with good artistic sense is with you or you can get them to help you out, that would be amazing.

3) Photo Wall 

Create a photo wall. Frame the photos uniformly and hang them or create a collage. You can also add a pin board where you can pin photos, creative ideas, things to remember etc.

4) Souvenirs and Decorative items

You can collect and arrange souvenirs if you are into travelling. Otherwise, you can start buying small inexpensive cute decorative items and place them in the open cupboards, stands and corner spaces.

5) Fairy Lights 

The favorite of a lot of girls and young women are the fairy lights. Buy the normal ones or any single-colored. Hang it in your bedroom. It will lighten and brighten up your space and give it a fairy touch.

6) Stickers

The sixth is stickers. You can stick them on walls, cupboards, tiles, tables, mirrors, wherever you think it can be removed easily. You don't want to damage the rented walls and cupboards. So be wise.

4. Rugs

I like my feet touching a warm and soft floor. Also, the flooring in many rented apartments kills the mood. Home is where we throw ourselves into the hands of comfort. Floor is a big part of how a space looks and feels. If you can get nice rugs for your floor, at least one of your rooms where you spend most of the time, you will feel more happy, and so will your feet. Some of the most tedious works also need a big floor with a soft rug where you can have a crash party with your laptop, books, coffee, cookies and what not. So rugs are a good investment.

5. Plants

Life is all about breathing. Nothing reminds you of it more than plants. Go green! Get some indoor plants and place them here and there. It will make your place just like a green park where you can unwind your mind everyday.

One important thing to remember. Everything you buy for a single room must be complementing each other. The furniture, the sofa, the rug, the curtains, the wall hangings everything together must be a wonderful package. If anything clashes or lashes out, rearrange. It is not going to be perfect as not everyone is an interior designer or an artist. But we all know deep inside, what we want to look at daily. Don't we?? So, collect all the information you need before you decide, if you are unsure. Look at Pinterest ideas, Youtube videos etc. You will be surprised how smart you can become at something you never ever imagined.

Have fun decorating and re-decorating :))

True life hacks : 5 ways you can use wet wipes!!

Wet wipes, as everybody knows, is thicker than a tissue paper and thinner than a cloth. Mainly it is treated paper which holds one or more liquids for a long time without getting fungal or bacterial attacks. They come in different fragrances. It is famous for its use as baby wipes to soften the skin against diaper rashes. But they can be used in multiple ways for daily life hacks. Lets take a peek into 5 ways in which I use wet wipes :-

1. Prevent dryness - You can apply body lotion and skin creams before you step outside but what if you need it throughout the day? I am not used to carrying creams and lotions with me and I am too lazy to apply them every now and then. That's when I started using wet wipes. It is easy to carry and you can use it anywhere. It helps to get rid off sweat and odor and give you a fresh feel. Use them to wipe the face, neck and hands. The fragrance will act as a perfume if you choose the best one. One more thing to add, when you are not feeling well and cannot afford to take a bath, wet wipes can freshen you up.

2. Prevent feet odor - In some weather, your feet can becomes sweaty even if your sandals or shoes allow aeration. If you are wearing shoes, choosing a good socks material and putting talcum inside can help you. But it may not be sufficient always. For one thing, avoid closed shoes, if you can, in hard climate. But if you can't then wet wipes is your temporary rescue. When the feet odor starts bothering you, take a break and wipe your feet and sandals with wet wipes. Your feet will smell good and you can be confident again.  

3. Cleaning the tables - If you watch closely, your working table, dining table, laptop and small things lying on them gets accumulated with minute dust. Some of you may be even allergic to such dust. Also, you may not notice but an odor fills the air which only others will recognize. Once in a while, cleaning your work space and dining space with wet wipes can give a new shine and a refreshing smell.

4. Removing leftover makeup - Makeup removal is a regime in itself. After you wipe, then you scrub and wash and cleanse and it goes on. For heavy makeup it might be good to follow the protocol but for light makeup the most easy method is a 2 step process :- 

1. Wash thoroughly with a scrubbing face wash 

2. Wipe every part of your face with a wet wipes, especially your eyes and lips 

The eye liner and mascara is what makes us go crazy. It is very important that you take every last bit of it off the eyes.

5. Oily skin cleansing - Those who are troubled with oily skin, wet wipes can help you to some extent.  Some of you may be trying hard to prevent breakouts. The ideal case would be washing your face multiple times in a day with a good face wash. But we all know it is impossible. One easy way is to use wet wipes to wipe your face clean 3-4 times during the day. Once all dirt and oil is removed, use a dry tissue or clean soft cloth to dry. Also, keep your makeup to the eyes and lips alone.

True life hacks : How to protect your mattress!

              How to protect mattress with less effort!!

I am a big fan of sleeping. What is that something without which we cannot sleep?..... It's the mattress!! :P

Mattress can be of cotton, foam, coir etc etc . Whichever one you own, after using it for sometime you may see that it becomes hard to clean them if they are ruined by dust or stains or liquids. Traditional way of cleaning is exhausting - drag your mattress to the terrace or an open area outside the house and beat it till its death to remove dust, wash here & there and wait till its dry to remove stains, because if you wash the entire mattress, it means you have nothing better to do with your time.

So if there is an easy way you can protect it from dust, stains, water or liquids that would be great!!
The solution is Mattress Protecting Cover.

Mattresses do not come with a protecting cover most of the time. And even if they do, it may not be easy to handle. So the best way is get a mattress protector cover. The features of the cover you must be looking for are :

1) elastic, so you just need to slip it in at all four sides, no need to lift and flip the whole mattress.

2) dustproof & waterproof - so nothing reaches the mattress.

3) lightweight - so if you want to remove it for washing and drying, it is easy to handle.

4) washable 

5) soft but not slippery - so that bedsheet stays well; also you can use it directly to sleep in.

6) size - so that if the mattress is king or queen, you get the proper one. 

I have one personal favorite which is also my mom's favorite, which I thought is worth sharing, the link to which is given below (choose the right size when you are buying) :

Enjoy sleeping everyone!! :D

Life lessons : How to save ourselves from the Deception of Perception!

Perception is the way we see and interpret things in our daily life. As children, we do not have anything in our brain to recollect and relate. Hence we perceive everything as they are.

As time goes by, our experience with the world creates perceptions. Thereafter, even when we are confronting something new, our memories will play a role in creating a new perception at that instant. So perceptions have a compound effect. Another major factor affecting creation or modification of perception is adopting others' perception. We lend a close ear to what people has to say throughout our life. We fall deeply for their words and emotions while trying to connect with them. But we must understand that what we accept and what we represent is our choice. And the choice must be made  consciously supported by our own logical reasoning. This will save us from the biggest life-eater called 'regret'.

There are pros and cons to perception. Most of us are not aware that it can immensely affect our life. Let us try and understand how to deal with perception when it tries to deceive us.

1. Instant like or dislike to someone   

We meet new people almost everyday. Sometimes without any interaction we feel an intense liking or hatred to someone we just met. Liking could be because we perceive the person in some way as an attractive person. It could be either looks, cheerfulness, appealing personality etc. This can lead to a conversation and even a relationship under the right circumstances. Similarly, feeling an inexplicable hatred to a new person might also be related to looks, personality etc but this time in a negative way. This can prevent us from having an interaction with someone who is actually not anything like what we initially felt. 

What we must do : If you like somebody instantly, don't show that explicitly until you have a reasonable interaction and you have solid reasons to believe that the person is good. Wait for the right time to start any relationship, even friendship.You need not act doubtful but you also need not let that person know more than required information. Develop the skill to communicate openly at the same time being careful. We humans being emotional and dramatic, this can prevent heart breaks. 

Half the same rule applies if we do not know why we despise someone despite having little conversation. We might have some subconscious reasons and we must make the effort to find out what they are. This is how we grow mentally as an individual. Especially if someone is nice to you or at the least have done nothing wrong to you, and the situation is such that you cannot avoid this person completely, it is better to give a chance. After many interactions, if the image gradually changes, you realize that your perception was wrong and you have a new friend. On the other hand, if you have good reasons to keep a distance, then so be it. 

As we are social beings, people in our life can make us or break us. Hence, our perceptions about them should always be tested and confirmed with time and patience.

2. Acting on situations

Everyday is a new situation. We make so many decisions daily and most of the time we make it unknowingly. Even if it is a day at work or day at home or day at vacation, every second we spend is a decision that we make on how to spend. If we watch closely enough, there are some underlying factors that make us arrive at our decisions. In fact, 'the everyday you' is a reflection of your perception of life as a whole. How you see life has the power to make one a happy and contented soul or a depressed and self-killing soul.

We perceive some situations as difficult and some as easy to handle. This is solely because of what we have learnt so far from life and people. But the important thing we must understand about life is everyday is new. The correlations that your brain makes need not always be true. You may have had 10 continuous bad days. Doesn't mean the 11th day is going to be bad. The reverse is also true. 

What we must do : Every significant decision made must be leading towards something better or at least it must not make the situation any worse. Except for emergency situations where we do not get time to think much, rest of the time, try to question as to why this decision is the right one. Also, if possible, run it through some valuable people in our life. Any of them might present us with a totally different perception and this might lead to a ground-breaking insight. Once we have all information needed and we have thought in all directions, and we know why we are doing what we are doing, we will feel much lighter and confident. 

3. The gut

There may be instances when we act immediately on our gut feeling. The gut is something caused by our layered perception over the years which made us who we are today. We may not think deeply over why the gut says what it says. But if we do, we may be able to peel of the layers and find the core reason. For instance, someone may have the skills you admire but that someone may not be the best life partner for you. Our gut will definitely take us in the wrong direction in such complex circumstances.

What we must do : Validate our gut. Living our life smart is just having our well-thought reason for everything we do. If so, it doesn't  matter even if you find yourself wrong later. We update our perception and move on without sulking over it. One way to validate is listing all the possible reasons why our gut may be wrong. Often we realize things late. This blind-side effect is very tricky to handle. We must exercise our self-awareness like a routine check up. Usually the things that upset us or our deeply unsatisfied cravings are the reasons why we become blind to some obvious things. Like previously said, run your gut through important people in your life. Lay down their opinions in a table and try to figure out if what your gut wants you to do, is actually what you want.

At the end of the day, the way our life turns out to be is the way we steer ourselves in times of smooth waves and big tides.

What you need to know while moving to a new city! 2

Part 2 : Buy it all!

In my previous post , I listed 10 must buy items while moving to a new city. I will discuss them in detail here. Some of these items you should choose keeping in mind the space you are going to get, especially if you are sharing with one or more roommates. If you have an apartment all to yourself then blow your mind by getting whatever you like. Still, like I said before, minimalism might be one thing you can try. It helps if you might be shifting again sometime. Also, it keeps your mind and living space both free. 

Everyone knows what are the essential stuff but regarding some of the items, I have a word or two to say from my experience as well as others'. Since you are off to a new start, this might be the right time to think, what is the best out of the different options available. You can buy most of them online or directly from the market, but always check for the offers currently available in both so that you save as much as you can. Online links to some of the products I shall share below. 

1. Bathing essentials
2. Washing and drying essentials
3. Cooking essentials
4. Basic stationary items
5. Getting ready essentials plus skin moisturizing cream and lip balm
6. Daily wear jeggings/jeans and shrugs/jackets
7. Multi-purpose shoulder bag and handbag
8. Water bottle
9. Bedsheets and pillow covers
10. Cleaning essentials

Now, I will discuss the options and why I believe one is better than the other.

Bathing essentials

1. Bathing soap vs Body wash 

I used to be a bathing soap freak. Every time I would buy a new soap which I have never tried and enjoy its scent and how it feels on the skin. But then I decided to shift to body wash. It lasts longer and some of them are so good that it does not leave the skin dry unlike most of the soaps. My favorite is Nivea body wash. They come in two broad varieties - one which is a natural moisturizer and others which are aromatic. If you choose the former, you can skip applying a body cream after bathing. Aromatic is refreshing. It comes in flower and fruit fragrances, for example, Water Lily.

2. Loofah - Soft vs Hard

                   hard                                                                                               soft

As you already know, you need a    loofah if you are using a body wash. As I have observed, you get 2 types of loofah, one which is kind of rough and one which is soft. Look at the pictures. 

Pick the softer one. It helps build more lather because the   mesh is dense, it is softer on the skin and the net doesn't come off easily.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Washing and drying essentials

1. Washing soap vs Detergent

Where I stayed, there was no washing machine or laundry facilities. I used to hand wash everything. So I decided to buy a washing soap for the delicates and detergent for rest of my clothes. There was no particular choice for me on this one until recently I found that a good liquid detergent is far better than detergent powder. Detergents are rather costly and the powder ones stay on the clothes even after washing. I accidentally came across a good quality inexpensive liquid detergent that usually comes with offers of buy one get one. Thereafter I never looked back.

2. Drying stand vs Rope

You may have to live without a drying stand if you don't have enough space. A drying rope is a good substitute for a stand but I lived on the terrace. So if I tried it, I may have had to pick up my clothes from the highway the next morning.

Drying stand is what I use now since I moved to my bigger better apartment with my husband. And I have come to love it. I never had one back at home. It holds a lot of clothes though it doesn't seem like and the two sides are foldable. Also, since it is weightless, I drag it here and there in my home. 

Foldable drying stand

I bought the normal hangers, nothing fancy but nowadays I am seeing a space saving hanger. Had I known this, I would have bought one because I was hanging the washed delicates on my window bars. However it seems costly, so you must check them in the stores.

Cooking essentials

1. Gas stove vs Induction 

Invest in a gas stove and induction. Both are going to be with you for a long time. You can balance the use of LPG and electricity. And I do have a favorite in both. 3 burner gas stove is the best for two people. It is a moderate choice between 2 burner and 4 burners as the former may be insufficient and later may be too costly. Induction is widely used for all boiling and warming up food.

2. Mugs and Cups

A mug is a must have. The size of the mug which I chose is kind of big because it was my one and only one go-to mug to have coffee, tea, cornflakes and everything. I bought tea-cups only after marriage because families might visit.

3. Kitchen set

If you are into cooking, a feasible solution is to get a multi-kitchenware set of at least three as shown in the picture. This will be all that you need for a long time. You can buy cutting board or vegetable cutters too as suitable for your needs. Knife and spoons are inevitable. Get 2 plates minimum for having food and 2 containers which can be used for serving food as well as storing food in the fridge (well.. if you have one, because I didn't. Sad story!).

Basic stationary items

You can list out the essentials as per your personal and work requirements. You can get them almost anywhere. I had things like scissors, cellotape, stapler, folders and files, a pencil box with pens, pencils, ruler, sharpener and eraser, paper clips, notepads, sticky notes etc

Getting ready essentials

1. Hair care

Everyone has there set of favorite combs. Still, I would like to say, have one with wide bristles and another with closer bristles or a brush. Use the wide bristles to remove tangles and the other to style your hair. With shampoos and conditioners one must be very careful because the new weather and water conditions may cause hair fall and texture changes. Don't be too late in taking care. I have grown to like TRESSemme shampoo and conditioner. It doesn't break the hair and makes it soft and smooth. A lot of women agree with me on this one.

2. Deo vs Perfume

Perfume must be carefully chosen because the scent is very strong and in a workplace not everyone will like it. The hint of the perfume might give a hint of your personality. If you have one already, don't spray it on your body, instead spray it in the air and walk through it. The droplets are more than enough.
Deo is the one which fights the bacteria and prevents odor unlike perfume. I own 2 Deos and use it only when I need it, more like when I remember it. The ones I own are worth sharing : Engage tease, the yellow one which gives a fresh feeling and Yardley lavender which has a soft feminine kind of feeling.

Moisturizing cream and Lip balm 

I am a person who hasn't seen a moisturizing cream or lip balm in my life until I shifted to this new city. I come from a humid place where summer or winter, nothing causes skin to dry unless you suffer from one. My husband introduced me to both the items. Even though I am not crazy about them, I must mention that it has saved my life during terrible weather when my skin became extremely flaky.  I have tried different Nivea's moisturizing body lotions and they are all equally good. As I don't use lipstick at all, I discovered Maybelline Baby Lips lip balm as a substitute with two-in-one purpose. Most of you might have one with you, I suppose. If you don't, I recommend you try one.

Jeggings vs Jeans, Shrugs vs Jackets

The jeggings are my life-saver because my stomach is unpredictable. It bloats and flattens as it pleases. The best jegging is the one with a high waist and wide elastic band. For example, look at these jeggings. The third one is as good as a tummy tucker and also doesn't slip down when you move around. A thin band is also fairly good compared to simply elastic.

1. Thin band elastic waist
2. Elastic waist
3. Wide band elastic waist

 

Ooh! I love jackets. But I was never in the right place to wear one. So I bought shrugs. A basic black shrug is too useful to ignore. They sure saved me during winter. Also, since sleevless is not common in most workplaces here, shrug was much needed to add sleeves to them. Again, I had a scooter and here on the road, if you are not wearing something like a jacket or shrug, you will be covered in dust and unrecognizable.

Shoulder bag vs Hand bag vs Sling bag

I always have a sling bag and a shoulder bag, never a hand bag or clutch. I like my hands free when I am walking. But those who love hand bags and clutches, comment below about your favorite ones. The sling bag for me must serve the following purpose : It must hold all the cash, cards, pen, keys, any small thing which I want to dump and so on. I don't want it too small or too big. So I got one with floral print for funky look and other one with a classy look which is also a handbag.

Then I got a backpack with laptop compartment which I must say, nobody can live without one nowadays.You own a laptop, you own a shoulder bag! So do I.But my major criteria was I must also be able to stuff my clothes and everything while I am travelling to my hometown or somewhere.

Water bottle vs Flasks

No doubt! Get one of each. Water bottles have gone through major evolution. It is good if you like the copper ones which are trending now. But not everyone likes the smell of it. Anything other than plastic bottles is a good option for me. Flask is also a must. A medium sized one can be very useful especially when you are not feeling well. 

Infuser

However, there is something special called the infuser. I have one and I love it. It helps to add flavor as well as vitamins to your water by placing cut out fruits, mint, lemon, ginger, any combination of these inside an infiltrator. The flavor makes you want to drink water more often. It was good for me because I don't like drinking plain water and dehydration can be a major health issue in a new city that you are not used to. A little thing to take care is that it needs to be cleaned every day because the fruits and leaves can rotten by staying in water for long. But it is worth it.

Bedsheets, pillows and pillow-covers

Bedsheets and pillow-covers need no introduction. For a start get 2 bedsheets and 2 pillow-covers and one blanket. However, if you are buying pillows too, I do have one thing to recommend Microfiber pillows.Your head sinks in the pillow. It feels soft and helps you sleep better. It doesn't loose its cushion effect or change shape. Also, it doesn't retain dust like the cotton pillows. So it is good for skin. 

Cleaning essentials

For cleaning utensils, you can either use a washing bar or liquid. A bar, if not taken care properly, will become like a paste, totally messy. A liquid lasts longer and it doesn't leave stains after drying. 

Handy vacuum cleaner

For floor cleaning, a small vacuum cleaner, the traditional broom method anything is okay as per your requirement. In the city like where I am living, dust is the best friend of Oxygen. You breathe means you breathe both. It is also on every nook and corner, every small and big thing in the house. So you might want to get a vacuum cleaner or pick up towels and go for wet swiping occasionally. 

Cistern Block

Finally comes the one I hate -.bathroom cleaning! Again a cleaning brush one separate for the closet and one for the bath area is compulsory. along with cleaning liquids. You can think of using cistern blocks (see image in the left) which can be put inside the flush so that, every time you flush you get a feeling that you did some cleaning.  It is good for lazy people like me.

That's about it, the exhaustive list of things I bought in a nutshell. If I missed out on anything, please comment below and let me know. Also, share your experience of shifting to a new city, the excitement and anxieties you had, the problems you faced and the strength you found. I would love to hear!

What you need to know while moving to a new city! 1

To those who are shifting to a new city. 

This was my experience and it is still going on!

Part 1 : Know it all!

In the month of October 2016, I moved from Trivandrum (Kerala, India) to Hyderabad (Telangana, India). It is a 1.5 hrs journey by air and 1.5 days journey by rail or road.

Why I moved..

I got a job and a guy, both in Hyderabad 😉. Seriously! that is what happened. I was engaged to my fiance who works in Hyderabad and so I tried for a job in Hyderabad. I got one and I moved.

The first feeling..

I wanted to become a minimalist. There was some confusion because I wanted a proper wardrobe, nothing which I would not wear, unlike at home. That is an important thing to remember guys! You get to restart when you are shifting. So try and be organized this time eh! 😏

I was very much excited about the pre-shifting shopping because I got to buy new things, little things but it was a lot of fun.

10 Category of items you MUST BUY :-




1. Bathing essentials
2. Washing and drying essentials
3. Basic cooking essentials including a cute mug for tea and coffee
4. Basic stationary items
5. Getting ready essential plus skin moisturizing cream and lip balm
6. Daily wear jeggings/jeans and shrugs/jackets
7. Multi-purpose shoulder bag and handbag
8. Water bottle and flask
                                             9. Bedsheets and pillow covers
10. Cleaning essentials for utensils, floor, bathroom


 Lot of curiosity and anxiety rushed through me every second because everything was going to be new, for the first time.


Place of stay..

I stayed in a rented room in a place called Attapur. It was a three-floor building. The owner lived in the ground floor. Two additional rooms were there on the terrace. I stayed in one of them. It had just one bedroom with a bathroom and a tiny kitchen..just enough for two girls. Yes! I had a roommate. She had already moved in before I did. We were going to be colleagues too.

Finding about this place was kind of easy for me. My roommate had been staying in Hyderabad for quite sometime with her sister. One of the employees of our workplace connected us. She was also in search of a place to stay. So when she found out, I was informed and we agreed on this room. The room, though it was small, was very cute and cozy. At nights I used to enjoy watching the neon-lit highway which was the direct view from the terrace. And the sky view was was also awesome. I felt independent for the first time in my life!💪

4 SEARCHING TIPS for place of stay :-

1. Look into all popular websites that advertise hostels, PGs, apartments etc.
2. Narrow down the list by matching with your requirements :-
1) Near by the workplace
2) Easy transportation
3) Safe street
4) Good food and accommodation at reasonable rate
3. If you have friends or relatives who can help you, ask them to visit the places you think are best for you and give you a feedback. Specifically check for water and electricity availability from the inmates.
4. Communicate with the people at your workplace, both current and future. Someone will be able to help you for sure.

Work, People and Food.

Anywhere you go with a different dialect, the first challenge is talking to people and getting around. I did not understand Telugu (the language of Telangana and Andhra Pradesh) at all. To my relief, everybody knew Hindi and I knew just enough. Yet I was hesitant to talk and kept my communication to the minimum.

For me, the work environment changed drastically. From a cheerful park full of people always having fun, I was thrown in to a dark dungeon with less than 5 people, not even seeing each other. Around the time of my marriage this was the last thing I wanted - loneliness!!

Some people, especially guys may be thinking that given a quiet place and a computer, you are free to do anything. I wasn't that kind of a cool loner. I like being around people especially since I am a single child. I had my share of me-time for a long time now. What I need is that comfort feeling that only people can give by sharing happiness and sorrows with one another.

More misery bestowed upon me when the God of Foods also had abandoned me to starve. There was no canteen giving food in my office. Only one place existed and that was a restaurant across the road, outside the campus. My salary was already reduced big time and I was already paying rent and now this!

It was like I threw my old comfortable cozy bed and bought a new one (don't know why!) and I am twitching and turning full time, not getting sleep. I felt continuously frustrated. I already quit my job in my mind. I was just dragging my body around.

5 Things to WATCH OUT while shifting to a new job and moving to a new city :-

1. When you are shifting your job and especially city for that job, collect the complete details of job requirement, working environment, food availability and quality, career ahead etc. Check thoroughly if the job is what you would love to do for a long time or at least you would not mind doing, because you are going to leave your comfort zone. You do not want hardships beyond a limit.

2. Do not fear taking a break from career life if necessary. Relax and enjoy the life before taking decisions, if you are at a crossroad. Seek advise from people who care about you. Finally draw a line and take the leap.

3. Explore all options. Establish connections with people prior to shifting and gather as much as information about the city like climate , diseases , wallet-friendly shopping places etc. Find out all opportunities for working and living in the new place where you want to be.

4. Money is not everything but it is still something. Never accept a job with less salary than what you were already earning (unless it is a strong passion of yours and you were longing to get into it). The reason is simple. Our expense and savings together give us joy. Take away any one, you will immediately feel that you are worthless. It is just a feeling but rather than overcoming it, you can certainly avoid falling into it.

5. Always keep a plan B if things did not work out in the new place or new job like you wished. And do not take stress. It does not solve anything. There will always be something to enjoy. Look around with an open mind.

Everything was slipping out of my hand like sand. I lost my peace of mind. The comfort of my city. The warmth of my home. I was not a homesick person. I became one!

The Biggest Loss in Gain!!

    What else can a girl lose at her marriage time apart from her own home ??.................. Weight!!😂
I gained weight because my food was irregular and lunch was regularly from restaurants. That was for me the height of depression.

There is a chance that you may fall into the hands of the city and the city will feed you with wrong stuff. So, always take care of your health. As soon as you settle somewhere new, find out the ways off eating healthy and staying fit.

5 Easy ways to STAY FIT :-

1. Start by doing small stretching out and exercises in your home.
2. Go for walking regularly. Avoid too much sitting. Keep an alarm to stand up if you are like me. 👧
3. Cook light food and avoid eating from outside. Depend more on fruits and water. Again, set alarm to drink water.
4. Go vegan until you feel confident to have non-veg.
5. Find out swimming, dancing, yoga or anything that works for you nearby your home or workplace.

Your clothes can measure your growth. Mostly it screams unwanted growth here and there. Nothing is more sad if you love a dress but you don't fit in it anymore. For someone who is right now feeling not so fit, get ready to change the way you feel. Keep a goal! The city is new. So can you! If nobody is watching, that's when you can start changing.


New City is New Life! Best or Worst, the Experience is Worth it! Make the Most of it!